My daughter Desiree’ and I were recently talking about choices, particularly those decision points in our lives that cause trepidation and contribute to sleepless nights. I explained to her my beliefs that we are constantly faced with choices, we just have to get better about sitting still long enough to make the right one.
The list of regular choices we make is exhaustive but here are examples:
- Choosing to pursue particular paths of study (accounting, engineering, law, medicine);
- Carefully researching a career or making the decision to fall into one (doctor, lawyer, store clerk, bus driver, scientist);
- Deciding to love or not to love others or even ourselves; or
- Starting a family, one that is blended by marriage, having children by birth, adoption, or a combination of the aforementioned.
We make complex decisions every second we are behind the wheel of a car. Simple choices present themselves throughout each day too. If I hit the snooze button again will I be late? What’s for dinner? I have watched my daughter study the menu in restaurants while the rest of us wait, not so simple! Sorry Desi.
Simply put, until we succumb to death it is inevitable, we will make choices. Even making the choice to not make a choice is a CHOICE.
At many junctures in our lives we decide between one or more alternatives in hopes of making progress. In the case of bad decisions, we risk knocking ourselves off the path of forward progress.
Have you ever been paralyzed by the idea of making a choice between two competing paths? I have.
My conversation with Desi reminded me of a time when as a college student I faced a decision that had me in a tizzy. Stop studying accounting full-time to take a job at a financial research company. The CEO of the company offered to pay for my degree if I studied part-time and worked full-time at his company coding software. If I switched to part-time it would have taken twelve years to complete my bachelor’s degree. I lost sleep for days agonizing over taking the job, making more money at that moment and delaying graduation for years. I was a starving college student struggling to pay tuition, the right path should have been evident, right!
I was so worked up. I required serious intervention or I was going to worry myself into a state of inertia. I went to my mentor Judy Sorum Brown, Assistant Dean of the College of Business at the University of Maryland, for advice. In her ever wise and calm manner, Judy shared with me a story that I have since recounted hundreds of times to friends and family (even to myself) throughout the years.
As I recall she explained that decisions often appear as turbulent rivers we must cross to reach the opposite shore. As we stand on the riverbank contemplating how to reach the other side, an empty canoe appears, requiring us to make the choice, climb in and paddle across or wait because the river is too dangerous. For those who boldly choose to traverse the waters, we cross only to turn back and find that the river never existed. The challenge (river) an obstacle that we fabricated from our fears and doubts does not really exist. We get in our own way (create barriers) when we fret over what we know intuitively is the right answer.
I decided not to take the offer at the research company. It was important to me that I finish my degree. I dug in, sacrificed financially for a few more years and completed my accounting degree. In the same time frame that I would have still been pursuing my education had I taken the easy road, I studied for and passed the Certified Public Accountants exam and began a career that I love as a licensed accountant.
Judy’s advice taught me to listen to my heart in tranquil contemplation. I already knew the answer but it meant that life was going to be difficult for a bit longer. In hindsight, the struggle was worth it and made me so much more grateful for the end result. I have no regrets and do not waste precious energy thinking about what my life would have been like had I taken the other path at that fork in the road.
Make the choice! If you make the wrong choice, choose again, and again, and again.
Maya