Recently a colleague and I had the opportunity to engage in conversation regarding our careers. At one point he asked me to share one fact about myself that would surprise him, which we were encouraged to do as part of our leadership training at work. To set the tone for my response, I described myself to him as a set of Russian Nesting Dolls. If you started removing the outer shell that I show the world each day, you would find complex layers stacked inside that I dared not display in the workplace. I shared with him details of my clandestine hobby leading an R&B band fifteen years ago. I would rush home from work, feed the children, load my family into the car, and traveled forty miles to band rehearsal on the opposite side of the valley. The children would patiently complete their homework in the back room while the band created noisy, energizing, rhythmic music, an elixir for my soul.
As a responsible parent, I understood my duty to maintain a stable household, so I paid the bills working as an accountant at a Fortune 100 company. I loved accounting but my heart was in the music that pulsed through my veins and nurtured my soul each evening and weekend. I was careful to keep my extracurricular life tucked away from most of my friends and separated from my “real” life at work, which was akin to packing a part of myself away neatly like a set of intricate nesting dolls each day. I trapped myself in the cycle of only allowing the world to see the professional side of my personality. Basically, I was leaving creativity out of my toolbox at work.
The story of my previous life as a singer surprised my colleague, leading us to a timely and relevant conversation about women in the workplace. In particular we discussed the sad fact that some women only allow fractions of their true selves to be seen in public forums out of the fear of stifling their career, which I believe is a disservice to women and our employers.
A recent article entitled “15 Ways Leaders Can Promote Creativity in the Workplace” (December 21, 2017) on Forbes.com addressed the issues of creativity and diversity in the workplace, emphasizing their impact on the bottom line. Without a doubt, giving all team members flexibility to creatively contribute ideas and strategies during the project development phase allows for the development of innovative solutions to old and new issues. Encouraging teams to approach projects from fresh points of view and enabling collaboration among diverse resources strengthens the bottom line.
Given tangible evidence that creativity and diversity drive productivity and profits, managers have a duty in fostering innovation, creating a safe space for collaboration and to respect and nurture ideas put forth by men and women alike. Speaking from experience, women must feel safe showing up as their whole self to do so consistently in the workplace.
Failure to foster an inclusive workplace can result in the stifling of creativity and the early departure of talented resources. In my role as a financial manager at a previous place of employment, I experienced a male colleague expressing to me, in a group meeting, that my ideas were not applicable or feasible for the issue at hand. The same gentleman later presented my ideas as his own to senior management resulting in him be recognized for innovative leadership in the workplace. His untrustworthy behavior created in me a fear of engaging in the collaborative creative process, limiting my productivity and driving a wedge between me and my team. I eventually left that company in search of a workplace that was conducive to creativity and supportive in transforming people and processes.
I have experienced being completely ignored, spoken over, and even one time being referred to as just a secretary by a male colleague on a project team. Taking risks and being shot down so often by peers caused me to begin exercising caution in expressing creativity in the workplace. I stopped speaking up in meetings for a period of time and began to feel despair regarding my career choice.
As a woman I felt like it was not safe to be vulnerable in the workplace for fear of being characterized as “emotional”, “weak”, or “angry”, which can be perceived by some as detrimental to career advancement. So, I responded by armoring up before coming to work. I armored up against being hurt, overlooked, or not being heard, which prevented me from leveraging creativity and hindered flexibility and even constrained my ability to connect with peers and the people on my team. I had to do something about it before I did permanent harm to my career.
I began studying effective leadership skills and enrolled in leadership training. Studying team dynamics and the importance being vulnerable in all aspects of life was crucial to my growth and evolution. I enjoyed participating in online seminars presented by Brene’ Brown, after being introduced to her work on shame and vulnerability by my husband. As a result of the work, I have learned how to genuinely show up in life.
Years of leadership training and coursework in race, gender, and culture at Arizona State University helped me move beyond the fear of speaking up for myself when I detect others are being disrespectful. I have honed my communication skills, allowing me to share my perspective deferentially and to listen openly to the ideas of others. Growing and maturing as a female leader has allowed me to unpack my creativity and to express more of myself in the work I produce.
I still have work to do in showing up as my whole self since we live in a world where differences are not always accepted. However, we have be given some tools at work to evaluate our responses to those differences. I do still find myself occasionally hiding aspects of my personality from peers to feel safe at work. I occasionally only unstack the “self” that people expect to encounter in the workplace, saving the innermost aspects of Maya for friends and family to experience.
It is sad that I only share the richest parts of myself with a select few. Recognizing the person who I am at my core is creative, fun, and dynamic, I believe I still have capacity to tremendously contribute to the success of any organization. It will be a joyful day when every woman can show up fully in the workplace. I actually look forward to the day when every man and woman can show up as their evolved and whole self at work or at play, therefore enhancing the organizations in which we work and serve mankind.