I snuggle deeper into the Egyptian cotton sheets covering my eyes to shield them from the sun that is beginning to peek through the wooden shutters. My flannel pajamas warm me from the slight chill of the alpine air. Embers from last night’s fire are still glowing in the fireplace. Five more minutes of rest before I lumber downstairs to make a pot of coffee and cook a healthy breakfast.
The crisp mountain air in Whistler, BC, Canada fills my lungs as I enjoy breakfast on the deck overlooking the tree covered mountains which were dusted by a light snow during the night like powdered sugar on a doughnut. As I gaze out over Blackcomb and Whistler mountains in the distance I feel at peace and one with nature. This is indeed my idea of heaven on earth. Water trickling over the rocks in the stream below, provide a soundtrack to accompany the beauty of nature as winter settles upon us.
Finishing breakfast, I make my way into the book-lined study to write a few chapters of narrative while cozied up in a blanket next to the roaring fire I rekindled after preparing breakfast. I anxiously anticipate the remainder of my day. Today the plan is to spend some time hiking in the mountains – leaving the alpine sports to those a bit more daring than me – and then working in the studio behind the cabin painting, sculpting or throwing pottery – things I do not execute very well but enjoy nonetheless. I recently committed to these practices of expressing my artistic side and connecting with nature to balance the technically oriented and very organized part of my brain that has worked overtime most of my life. What a blessing to enjoy the fruits of years of hard work and to recognize that the journey is where our gifts are found not the destination.
Settling on throwing pottery after my hike, I cozy up to the potter’s wheel. With thick clay oozing between my fingers as the wheel spins wildly underneath the heap that I hope to transform into a mixing bowl. Transfixed by the spinning, I am lulled into a silent meditation as the bowl takes form.
What I just shared with you is a quick glimpse into a portion of my unencumbered perfect day. It is the day that I strive to experience at some point in the near future. It is the day I have journeyed towards every day of my life to this point. A very special friend asked me to engage in this exercise of imagining my perfect day as a way to guide my actions and to encourage me to reassess where my daily energies are focused.
What surprised me most as this exercise unfolded? In reality, my daily actions are not guiding me towards the perfect day I envision. In fact, I spend tremendous energy engaging in “busyness” which is the exact opposite of a perfect day. I busily strive every day to be an engaged, creative corporate leader, a reliable community/organizational leader, a committed board member, a supportive parent, and devoted daughter. I spend so much energy striving to be viewed as a person who can be relied upon to get the job done, that I have become that woman who rarely says no, which of course has given rise to me being too busy and encumbered to honor myself by indulging in a few extra minutes snuggled between the sheets or taking that hike. I work overtime in my attempt to be everything to everybody! So, I am out of balance and TIRED!
Deeper evaluation revealed why I push so hard in my daily endeavors; I strive every day to feel worthy of the space I occupy on this earth. I strive to earn the respect of my peers and the leaders in my organization, which is of utmost importance to me. I am desperately trying to overcome the deficit of being a Black woman in a world that places little worth on who I am. President Trump and lately the media have made it clear that I -a woman of color- do not matter to them nor do I command their respect or regard. Recently, I read on social media that there is an order of importance in the world of journalism that classifies news about Black women as page four news at best while my White female contemporaries traditionally rank highest, garnering first page coverage most often when media attention is merited.
During a private workplace conversation this summer, a White-male colleague told me he acknowledges under no uncertain terms that I have to be better to just be placed on par with my peers. Knowing this fact already, I have personally strived to attain higher levels of education than my peers. My nose is always stuck in a book on becoming a better person, friend, mother, leader. I continually seek knowledge so that I am never caught unprepared in meetings. I check, double check, and triple check to ensure that my work is accurate. Goodness forbid I find a mistake in my work (the negative self-talk in that situation is brutal). I push and push and push until I am all given out and utterly exhausted.
Striving for perfection is an unachievable standard that I certainly have imposed upon myself for most of my life so that I am not perceived as being a failure by my peers. Once during a leadership training academy, I worked for eight hours to prepare a five-minute presentation on my job function that was being videotaped the next morning. The other academy participants jokingly asked before my presentation if I had gotten any sleep the night before. They knew the answer, I had only slept a couple of hours because I had to memorize every word of my presentation so I could be entirely off-script for the video.
Who has time for their “perfect” day? The answer is, we all do but there is one caveat, we must stop striving for the unachievable perfection in all aspects of life! We have to give ourselves a break and cease striving to be omnipotent.
Life is an imperfect journey. We stumble because we are flawed beings. If you want to frustrate yourself, keep seeking perfection. Trust me, I know!
Now back to that perfect day. As I journey through life, I am committed to prioritizing taking time for myself. In the next few months I am setting into motion a plan to find a cabin in the mountains of Whistler, BC, where I can spend a few days resting, creating, and enjoying the quiet of nature. I am going to indulge in writing blog entries which brings me joy. I will paint poorly and even grab some clay and sculpt. I am clearing my schedule to play the piano in my living room and I am going to begin singing again (yes Braxton I mean it).
We travel through life unsure of where our journey will take us and equally unsure of when it will end, which is why I personally have to shift gears to ensure that I enjoy my “perfect days” now. I am learning to be satisfied being perfectly imperfect.
