Intentional Tribe

Making new friends is tough when you seek quality friendships versus a large quantity of associates. Add to the mix being in a new city and an entire new set of challenges arise for me, mostly because I am a middle-aged, self-proclaimed introvert who finds solace and renewal in quiet spaces, which I have in abundance since leaving my home filled with family in Arizona. Also left behind was a treasure trove of beautiful women who had my back and I the same for each of them, there is no way possible for me to strike gold again, right?

Recognizing the importance of connection, particularly as I ground myself in Seattle, I’ve committed to being intentional about forging friendships and creating space for meaningful moments with others, but with a little bit of guilt about making new friends when I have such awesome ones already. Also I experience some trepidation about being vulnerable and transparent with new people who may not honor or hold inviolate my truth.

Placing a call to invite a work colleague I met at the bus stop to lunch was my first intentional act of creating my new tribe. Sounds easy to do right! Well, in fact it was not easy for me. I questioned whether we would have anything in common. Yes, she was very kind with a radiant smile but would she be like my girls back at home? Could she have my back? Is my story safe with her? Am I too old to make new friends? Thankfully no!

We met for lunch and immediately connected because we have traveled parallel paths as professional women raising children alone after divorce. She has a kind spirit and a sense of purpose while she forges a new path in Seattle, having arrived a few short weeks before me. Now we make it a point to meet to explore our new city together, once with her hubby in tow and other times as a determined duo looking to build a foundation in a foreign land.

Another colleague in my building at work reached out to me and asked if I would attend the new employee welcome fair with her as she too was being intentional about connecting with others. We started the same day at Amazon. Hailing from Chicago, she and I also share a favorite city. Up for adventure in our new favorite city we are planning to take in a Cubs versus Mariners baseball game in a few days. Connecting also because we both left jobs where we were quite established in our careers we commiserate on this crazy ride we hopped on at similar times in our lives.

Feeling more hopeful and grounded in connection, I was blessed to get a text message from a sorority sister who recently transplanted her family in Seattle, connecting me with her friend who is in the same service organization as me. Within a few short weeks and after meeting only once, my new friend graciously arranged a ladies evening so that I could meet other like-minded women for a night of good food, wine, and stimulating “real” conversation. I can honestly say that ladies night was a turning point for me. It was enlightening and stimulating to meet women of varied backgrounds on similar paths with stories of hope and hurt willing to embrace me and say “you will be just fine”.

Since ladies night I had the pleasure of introducing my new friend to my “sissy” visiting from Arizona. We shared a wonderful brunch and talked with one another about life with such ease. I needed one of my oldest friends to see that I am in good hands in Seattle with my newest friend.

My guilt about creating a new tribe has subsided since my recent visit home. My AZ girls and I made time for an evening of laughs and hugs. While we have not seen one another for several months we did not skip a beat getting to real conversation which flows so easily among us. As the night came to a close one friend said to me “I saw you posting pictures from your friends gathering in Seattle and thought to myself you cannot go forgetting us!” I assured her how impossible that is!

As my tribe expands I marvel at the heart’s capacity for connection, which is limitless with the proper intentions and attention. I am filled with gratitude for old and new colliding in a way that creates an explosion of love and inclusion. My tribe is expanding and so is my capacity to love.

I have managed to strike gold again.

In gratitude, Maya.

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