I’ve missed you friend! My ruminating the past few years has been mostly between myself and dear friends as I healed from the trauma of forced isolation due to the global pandemic. I’ve sat down at my computer many times, writing with raw emotions about learning to love my flawed self, but as my finger hovered over the post button I realized those stories were best left unshared as I worked through the growing pains of being on my journey to healing and self-love and deeper appreciation for the important things in life like reconnecting with family and friends, experiencing the richness of new cultures, and sitting quietly listening to sounds orchestrated by nature.
Working, sleeping, and living 24/7 in 1,000 square foot apartment in the city during the pandemic was at times lonely and others enriching. The loneliness steeped in my need and desire to connect with another human being through touch, conversation, communion over lovingly prepared meal or simply sharing the same space. I spent many days alone, walking along Puget Sounds, longing for connection. Thankfully, nine months into the pandemic my son was able to work remotely from Seattle, joining me in my new home purchased after the riots made it unsafe to live alone downtown. The three months we spent in isolation together experimenting in the kitchen with new recipes for our favorite meals and adult beverages was a balm for my soul, allowing for us to connect as mother and son, bonding through our shared joy of cooking. Those moments were priceless. I will remember and cherish the gift of connection with my son.
Those two years in COVID lockdown made me appreciate the impromptu video chats with my daughter and grandchildren who I missed dearly after my move to Seattle. What I cherished most was feeling like I was engaged with them during the most mundane but meaningful moments of their days. I loved virtually participating in my grandchildrens’ bedtime routine as my daughter negotiated bath time, brushing teeth, braiding hair, and just five more minutes of cuddle time. This was also a time when my daughter and I committed to intentionally connecting with each other. Distance was a challenge we needed to overcome to love and support one another as we both journeyed to achieve our dreams. I was so sad not to be there when she started medical school. Due to COVID there would be no white coat ceremony, but I was able to sneak a visit to see the campus and spend a few cherished days with her and the babies. In pursuing her dream she has become more confident, grounded, and driven. She is indeed a blessing. We video chat more frequently now and those moments help to sustain me.
The past four years since I left Arizona to pursue an opportunity in Seattle, I’ve missed my mom and dad! Knowing how blessed I am to still have my parents I’ve become more fierce about carving out and protecting the time I have with them. Not visiting them because it was unsafe to do so pushed me to the limit emotionally. I missed their hugs and sitting at the dinner table listening to stories about their lives. I feel this urgency to know more about what shaped each of them into the people they’ve become. I cannot tell you what it means to fly back every 8 – 10 weeks to hang out with them. They ground me to this earth. We’ve been able to travel a bit since restrictions lifted, spending time in Sedona, exploring, wine tasting, and relaxing together and in Scottsdale enjoying the holiday lights and grandchildren. If there is one thing I’ve learned the past few years, it is that connection with those you love most cannot be valued, it is indeed priceless.
This year, I will be examining and creating meaningful connection with friends and family as I continue evolving and healing. I’m committed to fostering existing friendships and forging new ones. Tossing out what does not contribute to my growth and embracing that which nurtures my soul.
I hope you are onboard to journey to healing and connection with me. When you have a moment, please take time to connect and share how you are doing.